Christmas Eve

Christmas is tomorrow. It's been nice just hanging out with family. I got to see my dads biological mother whom I've only met twice. It was nice, she was nice. This break from school has made me feel so much better. I got a laptop, which is really awesome. I love it. I'm pretty content with life at the moment. Which is a really good thing for me. I'll tell you how Christmas goes.

Hey guys,

I don't really know how to explain my situation. I think I was on the verge of figuring out something big last night. Life is weird, I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be anymore. Or who I want to be for that matter. It's winter break and I am feeling good about not having homework. Maybe something good will happen this break. I would like that.

Wishes

I wish there were a girl that liked me.

Drats

Today started out fine. I hung out with my friend Luke that I don't see much anymore. We have been friends since birth literally. He is the only person that I can truly say that about. Good guy. We have a lot of memories as kids. Man I miss those days. I wish I could re-live them. After that my mom picked me up and it all went downhill from there. We went Christmas shopping because I wanted to get some presents for everyone. Before going I had to pick up my backpack from my dads because I left it there. So I go get that, when I'm leaving my dads house, he pulls up and has a woman with him, I didn't mind my dad being with a woman of course, but she seemed to feel really akward because of it and it was really weird. Even though I tried to make it look like it was fine, I feel like I had a sad look on my face, which probably made her feel more akward. I don't even think I am spelling akward right, but you get what I'm saying. While I'm typing this I feel like I have this very Catcher in the Rye style. It's rather weird. An example of how weird I feel. Weird. I feel really weird. Well after my dads we head on over to Fashion Square mall. Then we decide its too crowded and we go to Sam Ash so I can get presents from there for people. The whole time I was there I couldn't get any of the employees attention to buy things and when I did I was really quiet and they couldn't hear me so I had to repeat everything about 10 times. That sucked. I get done there, get to the car, and I just want to get home so I can read and stay in my room, away from everyone. Well I had 3 cups of coffee for breakfast, and two cups of hot tea. So add that up with sugar in the tea and coffee and I felt pretty shitty. I just felt shitty. I got home, was really cold, didn't talk to anyone and just went to my bed and slept for about 3 hours. Woke up, and then had nothing to do. I didn't feel like doing anything. Well dinner was here and we had pizza. I wasn't that hungry, I ate a little. And retreated to my quarters glad to get away from my stepdad and mom. I kind of hate it at my moms. I feel horrible saying that, because if my mom ever saw that she would probably cry. I just can't stand my stepdad. He gets on my nerves. Then I watched a movie with them. I didn't want to. I wanted to watch it by myself. It was Hancock. It was a horrible movie. One of the worst I have seen. Disgusting. The movie ends, I have nothing to do, I clean up the mess my brother has made in the house. And I start watching this '58 superbowl game on ESPN, kind of interesting. My mom comes down to say goodnight, I didn't really talk to her much and she seemed upset because I obviously am not being very loving towards her. I'm having Trevor, Ryan and Nick spend the night. Although it is already 10:30 and they won't be here for another 30 at least. I don't know why they are even spending the night. I hope they lift my mood. I really do. Michael had a birthday party. I didn't know about it. And I feel like I could have had a good time doing that but I didn't know about it. Instead I felt like blowing my brains out all afternoon. Not really. I'm not suicidal. I hope you had a better day than me, I really do, because I am so lost right now. I doubt any of this even made sense. Someone talk to me.

Thanks for listening, friend.
-Houston

War!

I watched Saving Private Ryan, and that is a very good movie. I also saw a lot of WWII documentaries on the History Channel. I also watched Survivor Man, and what a great show. I would like to live off the land for a little while. Call me an idiot for saying that, but its true, even if I'm just oblivious to how hard it is. I also thought of how I would have liked to be in WWII, subtracting the really high risk of dying. I feel like I would do good in a war, I believe I could be crafty and strategic. That raises the question of why I don't join the army, I just like the idea, without the risk of dying. That's all.

melancholy

For me, a good day has turned into a day I don't get depressed. I don't have too much to get depressed about in comparison to other people. But I guess its just me. I need to change.